Lost, but 49thward! (Movie Log Included).

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EDIT: Welcome to the first Movie Log of the 2014 film season — the first one I write post-Oscars; and since last week I was all about wrapping 2013 up with my Top 10 films post, this log entry is not about a week in movies, but rather, two.

 I didn’t marathon these or anything, I saw them whenever I had some free time, but needless to say, I was pretty eager to move onwards to 2014. 2013 ended with such a high note for me that I was confident that 2014 will carry on that par of quality — and from what I’ve seen and what it’s soon to come, that seems to be the case.

 So, that said, let’s not waste any more time. We’ve got a number of films to cover here, so I’ll try to keep it all in comfortably readable sizes. This first batch of movies maybe wasn’t as strong as I’d like it to be, but it’s, for the most part, a decent bunch — and one with something for nearly every age bracket, so let’s heed towards one of its extremes with an, um… arthouse porno.

 But if anything, Vol. I is… um, isn’t as explicit as those films, if you can believe it. It’s the story of Joe, played by recent, frequent von Trier-ist Charlotte Gainsbourg, who’s found lying bloodily beaten in an alleyway by the older wormbook Seligman, played by Stellan Skarsgård. As he does his best to help by giving her a warm shelter in his home, she shares with him her life experiences so he can fully understand why she deserved the bloody beating. As you can guess from the title, it’s a tale of a nymphomaniac, and this first volume deals with select episodes from her life, mostly to contextualize and give some proper backstory to why she’s become a backstreet-dumped mess.

 And though you feel like it’s all heading towards somewhere dark and grim, for the time being, it was actually kinda darkly fun and enjoyable. Joe’s aloof, nonchalant way of telling things works pretty well with the curious, always eager to answer Seligman; as she tells pretty graphic sexual tales, to which he doesn’t reply with shock or disgust, but rather, genuine interest, as her tales aren’t that far off from his own interests, like world culture and fishing, so he’s always ready to complement her musings with a footnote on something else, largely unrelated if only by symbolic purpose. The way she seduces a dozen of select men is similar to the way he lures a certain kind of fish with his one-of-a-kind bait. This back-and-forth makes the whole film very playful, relieving some of the moral weight associated with the taboo of being an ever sex-hungry woman.

 But that works only so much — it’s still bloated at times, as some stories could’ve been told more succintly, just to get the point across about her; and it’s so bipolar — but it’s a von Trier, so that feels like a given. Sometimes it goes way too dark to be funny, but it then it still segues with a deadpan joke — and even if it works and it makes you laugh, you feel like there’s a sour, bitter aftertaste to it. People don’t usually joke about something so personal to them, after all, but Seligman’s interaction with her quickly remind us that, maybe it’s all about a matter of perception. If you can see her sexual escapades not as a sickness, but rather, as a feat, you’ll certainly get a kick out of it. But the movie itself doesn’t make that re-adjustment that easy.

 Also, Vol. I? I’m feeling that it’s not a story worth telling in 4 and a half hours. Let’s see how it all resolves in a little while. We’ve got some other movies to cover.

 This side-sequel is nowhere near that. No line worth remembering. No character worth remembering — not even Xerxes, that tall-as-fuck god king with a thunder-deep voice, who’s now demoted to… looking like some kind of boring, sort-of-good guy in comparison to the unbelievably inept new villain — she’s some sort of untouchable badass, so much so no one has the balls to call her out whenever she fucks up (an often occurrence). They didn’t update the CGI for this either and it all looks so jarringly blue and cloudly gray to the eye, like there’s not a single good-looking shot in this whole movie. There are some action scenes that are rather decent, but they lack the sweaty and gory impact of Leonidas’ tightly loyal band of brothers. It’s a pretty vanilla story with equally vanilla characters.

 I had a discussion with a friend since he enjoyed the movie when he saw it with friends, because they were pretty much the only ones at the theater and they had free rein to openly make fun of it. “It’s a turn-off-your-brain movie, give it a rest”. Sure, but any movie is enjoyable if you snark through it. If you want to give it an ironic, I-don’t-really-give-a-shit look at it, then I guess you could do worse. But for serious minded, frequent cinema-goers, you could do so much better. Just pop the original and remember the good times.

 

 But on the good side of the franchising spectrum, we’ve got José Padilha’s RoboCop. It’s been a publicly messy journey for this one to get made, from directors coming and going and delays after delays, but here we are — and the critics largely didn’t care as much for it, saying it’s nowhere near as good or iconic as the original. Granted, it isn’t, but it isn’t trying to be — it’s being its own thing, telling another story with a different focus. Whereas the original RoboCop dealt heavily on crime and corporative involvement, this one’s a story more about human emotion and its literal manipulation by others. The original film was about a man becoming a cyborg becoming a man. This one’s about a man who’s still a man but gradually becomes a cyborg.

 It’s a pretty thankful angle the one they’re taking here — especially since it allows for pretty great perfomances from Joel Kinnaman’s Alex Murphy, who’s slowly adapting into a new reality he’s not in control, and Gary Oldman’s Dr. Dennet Norton — the scientist who oversees the RoboCop project and rather reluctantly quirurgically intervenes with his new body to satisfy the higher-ups.

 "How could they make a PG-13 version of RoboCop, tho". You know, they say that in limits people find creativity and… dear god do they circumvent the PG-13 limitations in shocking, jaw-dropping ways. Maybe it’s not as guns-akimbo as the original, and maybe asking a body turned into a pulpy red swiss cheese is asking too much out of it, but they still found a way to make a pretty potent cyber-nightmare here. Just watch it and you’ll understand.

 And I suppose it doesn’t mean much, but … yeah. It’s my favorite film of 2014! That is, speaking so far, of course. It’s a pretty good movie, undoubtledly belonging in the upper tiers of the RoboCop franchise.

Of course, having a favorite-of-year this early in the post means that I wish I could have liked better James Bobin’s Muppets Most Wanted. I mean it’s by no means a bad movie. It’s just okay. I’ll even admit that a “just-okay” rating from the Muppets still is very much worth your time — they’re just that likeable and joyous. But there are some things mere bias can’t hide away, when talking about this movie.

 First thing is… that I wish I could be saying “following the events from the first movie”, because… it barely does! The movie starts straight up from the ending of the previous film, as they were wrapping up production and now they’re prepping up a sequel. That’s pretty funny — but the thing is that means that’s pretty much it for Walter. He’s still around, full-time Muppet now, but he’s taking one of the furthest back seats I’ve ever seen in sequels history, now that his role in this movie could’ve effectively been done by any other Muppet that’s not Kermit or Miss Piggy.

 But at least we have a new main character here: Constantine, a Kermit doppelganger who’s escaped from a Siberian Gulag, and is in cahoots with the Muppets’ manager, Dominic Badguy (Ricky Gervais) so they can steal some precious treasures from the banks and museums of the different cities their European tour visits. I’m kinda okay with Constantine, but here’s the thing: he succeeds in switching places with Kermit, thus taking Kermit away from the film for a pretty long while, and disconnected from his gang for an even longer time; and since Constantine’s not interacting that much with the Muppets, their vast majority (Walter included) is mostly background decoration now.

 But it’s still fun and snappy and charming, sure. But I don’t know. The first one had such a sweet, nostalgic approach to telling a story about characters; while this one’s all about adventures and the wacky situations they’re in. That’s alright, but… I feel you still need great characters to make it fully waterproof, to which Constantine, Dominic Badguy, and Tina Fey’s prision guard Nadya aren’t. They’re just good, but not movie-long good. We get some kicks out of Ty Burrell’s Jean Pierre Napoleon the Interpol agent and Sam Eagle the FBI agent, as they competitively partner to solve the mystery of the stolen riches — but again, they’re on their own thing. They don’t interact with the other Muppets, so… I don’t know, I feel like something’s missing here. Better new characters, less sparsity, in short words.

 But it’s still funny.

Rob Minkoff’s Mr. Peabody & Sherman's also one I think that's funny but could've been a lot better. It's the Dreamworks animated film that's based on the time-traveling Rocky and Bullwinkle characters… that I can't say I'm too familiar with. Never grew up with this series, but I've heard and read about it here and there. This movie tells the story of Peabody, the smartest dog in the world, who after acheiving great intellectual and athletic success adopts an orphan boy called Sherman, and they live together in a very peculiar but in any case, loving home, where they have history lessons by travelling through time and getting the facts from the sources.

 But problems loom ahead, as Sherman enters school and a messy fight with his girl bully Penny puts his father-son relationship with Peabody at risk when a nasty child services agent becomes aware of the situation. If she deems his home’s unfit for raising a kid, she’ll be taking him away.

 So Peabody invites Penny and her parents over for a dinner party to help things out between the kids, but they clearly don’t get along — that is, until Peabody reveals he can travel in time, which propel a journey to save her and then another to return to the present.

 Good things first: I think it’s one of the most family friendly movies I’ve seen in years. Kids will enjoy the visuals and crazy (and somewhat educative, all things considered) adventures, and parents will giggle with the wink wink nods the movie’s constantly making. It kinda makes the movie’s tone go up and down, but never too jarringly. Peabody and Sherman’s relationship’s also touching and sincerely loving, too.

 Bad things second: PENNY. This girl. This girl has no bearing here, and I don’t mean that because she’s an original character (do not steal). She goes from a bratty, peer-pressuring little shit to… yep. A friendly love interest. A shoulder to cry upon when all hope is lost. And she does so in the blink of an eye, only to add conflict or purpose to whatever Sherman has in mind. She’s not a character — she’s merely a prop. I mean, she’s a co-lead that has NO INTERACTION WHATSOEVER WITH PEABODY. None. She’s just a third wheel that forces her way into making us care about her because “she’s learned her lesson” or “she’s not a bratty little crap anymore”. Bull.

 See it for Peabody and Sherman. Ditch Penny.

Previously, on Nymphomaniac… Lars von Trier’s Nymphomaniac: Vol. II picks up right where the previous movie ended — but since addressing that would constitute a spoiler, I’ll skip addressing plot summaries. I’ll just say that now we’re focusing on how and why Joe ended up alone and beaten on an alleyway.

 That said, … no, this wasn’t worth 4 and a half hours. Take some bits from the first volume out, replace them with some from the latter, and you’ve got your movie just told fine in less time. The humor’s mostly gone from this tome, too: the accounts grow decidedly dark and violent, and Seligman’s commentaries dwindle, as if its novelty had worn out.

 Also… that ending. Man, that ending. Again, wasn’t worth it. Not a bad movie, but worse than the one before; and as a whole… it’s okay. Could’ve been shorter and more focused, but it is what it is, and von Trier’s always von Triering.

 Kickstarter’s Rob Thomas’ Veronica Mars! I never saw any episode of the original series. What am I dwelving into? Am I even allowed to dwelve here? It’s the story of Veronica Mars, once a teen detective who left her hometown of Neptune, California (what…) 9 years ago, as things were quickly escalating to a point the town’s dramas would take her to a point of no return. She’s offered a job at a super classy law firm, but after hearing that her ex-boyfriend’s been accused of murder, she goes back to Neptune to help him out through her old, investigative ways.

 I imagine knowing about the series, even just watching one episode would’ve helped, because I honestly felt the movie kept throwing these inside jokes I couldn’t grasp. But still, the movie’s screenplay’s rather snappy and truth be told, reachable enough for the uninitiated. She’s trying to solve a mystery — that’s something easy to understand, regardless of seasons worth of backstory.

 But then… this was Kickstarted. I do not feel the crowdfunded money was terribly well spent. There’s a celebrity cameo here I won’t spoil because his scene was actually a quite funny one — but is it me or a big bunch of the money went to secure his presence here? Because the rest of the movie’s just looks like something made only for TV. You know, like a normal episode from the series (which I’ve never seen, granted, but this only underlines how unflatteringly un-cinematic the movie looks).

 Not helping either is the fact that as far as plot goes, it’s not going further than being a reunion special episode — YES I haven’t seen the show, but for the most part it’s Veronica meeting her old friends and enemies and reacting over how much or how little they’ve changed in 9 years; while the murder mystery at hand never really elevates itself from any sort of TV material made for teenagers. Romantic and clichéd to a fault, with dilemmas not to be taken seriously, as seen when Veronica drops out of a long-awaited, major career opportunity with the resounding thud of a “whatever”.

 You won’t find any gravitas here, but part of me thinks that’s not the point here, at least to some extent. If you enjoyed Veronica’s sleuth adventures you’ll be fine here, more of the same, I say! But I don’t know. Movies that were adapted from TV series and had that “The Movie” subtitle to underline how big and dramatic the stakes were here now (remember, South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut? Jesus) — I feel this Veronica Mars film didn’t address its cinematic format in its name because, deep down, nothing’s changed.

 Alright. I like Liam Neeson. He’s one of the most engaging, impactful action heroes working today in film — I just wish there was some movie with him and Jeremy Renner, kicking all sort of asses. It would be fucking awesome. That said… don’t you feel like these movies are becoming sort of generic for the guy? Older man with a dark past, proficient with guns, chased by enemies unknown. Spaniard Jaume Collet-Serra can attest to that, since he also directed the 2011 Neeson flick Unknown; while there were two Taken movies and The Grey. And there’s another Taken movie in the works, and — sure, let’s throw in his role in Lego Movie for completionist’s sake. Good/Bad Cop was also another gun-wielding character with a troubled past, you know.

 But it’s not like those movies are bad — far from it, Neeson’s making it all enjoyable, with a healthy disposition to take things as far and as fierce as possible; but I just wish there was some honest-to-God character development or something going on here, because, aside-ish from The Grey (and of course, Lego Movie), you can easily pretend this action-packed Neeson filmography’s all part of a single continuity. Neeson’s pretty much character the same in all of these, so why not.

 So character-wise it may not be terribly distinct, but elsewhere it’s entertaining, to say the least. It’s a cat-and-mouse chase that leaves you guessing who’s behind all of this in every step of the film, as the crimes themselves get more and more ludicrous and you’re somehow trying to help Neeson find the hijackers before things go out of hand. You’ll suspect one character just to jump onto the next one. They all look suspicious, even if for the most part, Neeson’s the one acting weird.

 The lensing here is also worth considering, as it slides through the narrow airplane corridors, following Neeson’s steps as he scans through the passengers — sometimes to show us what he’s seeing, and others to highlight something he missed; and it’s all shot very tightly and continuous, as if it was having a staring contest, making some scenes legitimately frightening, as we see how all the passengers here look like they’re ready to jump to his neck in a heartbeat. They’re just done with this guy.

 Neeson’s fun. Julianne Moore’s cool. And we’re also treated to a pre-Oscar fame Lupita Nyong’o — I assume pre-Oscar fame because her role is rather minimal here for someone whose first film landed an Oscar. Not to diss this movie or her performance here, but I hope she finds juicier spotlights following her win. Other than that, Non-Stop is worth a casual watch — especially if you happen to be travelling on a plane. Can’t get more meta than that.

Last, but not least… When’s Mahvel? Anthony Murro & Joe Murro’s Captain America: The Winter Soldier arrived in theaters last week here in Chile. I won’t go too deep into spoilers here since I know most of you are closely and eagerly following this branching saga. But yes, stick through the entire credits.

 If anything, how could I describe the movie’s plot and overall feel without revealing too much about it? Well, while the original was very much its own thing with its own charm, living in a time period far earlier than Iron Man or Thor (remember it’s the only Marvel movie with an actual, story-relevant original song — which the Academy embarrasingly didn’t nominate), this one’s very much in a post-Avengers setting. That’s not entirely a bad thing, but that kinda makes Thor the only film series so far to have a striking identity of its own, with its quirky, camp-tastic focus on warriors and wizardry. Captain America’s now been Iron Man-ized to some extent, is what I’m saying. Gadgets and impossible technological advancements are everyday ocurrences, while previously there was a rather simplistic, straight-forward approach to sciences.

 That’s not to say we’ll be seeing Captain America donning an armor suit or anything, but this movie feels a wee bit vanilla amidst the vast, typically epic Marvel film universe. It presents some nice ideas and reflections for Cap, namely the lingering, fading traces of a life gone by without him around. In Avengers they limited that for jokes about how old-fashioned, man’s man the guy was, but here we truly see him coping with the missing pieces from his past life. The possibilities, the yearnings, the lost loves.

 But I feel that’s a missed opportunity, because in honesty the action, the villains here are… well. Not bad, but nothing to write home about. We step into some Iron Man 2 territory here, in how we deal with the new villains and dangers here — they take such a step back in the plot that for the most part, we forget they exist. And when they do show up, they’re not terribly awe-inspiring. The movie’s majorly like a beat ‘em up videogame with a really long corridor that endlessly showers you with anonimous, but tough to kill enemies. It can be fun, but the arduous wait only makes you really thirsty for a decent boss fight, like… “I’ve come all this way just to kick your ass! Prepare yourself!!”. And… it’s a bit underwhelming. They’re not terrible, but… you feel like this could’ve easily been slipped before Avengers to make it look better.

 But still. Performances are good, and the screenplay’s peppered with snappy, clever jokes. And the new additions to the Marvel family — Robert Redford, namely, are more than welcome. Maybe some Jeremy Renner here and there could’ve helped things out.

Well, we made it! That’s it for now, see you next week!

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